Little Adventures: Strangers and Turtles

I'm not sure what this place is called, but it basically overlooks Talofofo Bay (Maybe it's called Talofofo Bay Overlook? Ha.) I had a little adventure there yesterday afternoon just before sunset that I thought I'd share with you guys.

That morning I'd just finished rereading the Harry Potter series (Don't lie, you do it too.), and that afternoon, I worked down on the southeastern side of the island. Whenever I read fiction, I always feel like writing some of my own (which is why I sometimes avoid reading fiction, because writing takes my mind away from business...which is bad for business), so I made the decision to spend some downtime at the beach. First Beach, my first choice (haha), was already a bit crowded, so instead I pulled over at the Talofofo Bay overlook, brought a notebook and pen with me to the precipice (I like that word), and sat down on the barrier, ready to enjoy the view and write a few pages of what might just turn out to be a load of useless fiction (Not everything I write is genius, I admit.)

I was not alone. There was a man there who seemed to be surveying the area. I'd noticed the name of some sort of company on the side of his truck (can't remember the name), so I decided not to mind his presence and get on with what I wanted to do. He was about to leave, however, when he called out to me: "Would you like me to take a picture of you? That looks like a great picture."

In my head I was like, "Crap, he thinks I'm a tourist." But then, I decided to take advantage of his offer and gave him my phone. When he finished taking the picture, he introduced himself, shook my hand, and left.

After writing a bit, I got up to take some pictures of the misty look that was settling over the mountains. The mountains through which Cross-Island Road cuts always start to look kind of misty around 6:00-7:30 PM, and it always looks awesome. I got up and walked to the opposite side of the overlook and started taking pictures, but, as I did so, I was interrupted from my nature excursion by yet another stranger.

"Do you want to see sea turtles? Here, look!" Another man had appeared and was making his way toward me. He joined me at the very end of the barrier, climbed and stood on top of it and, holding onto a metal pole that stood near him, told me to do the same. Naturally, I thought he was going to lure me onto the barrier and push me over the edge, where I would meet my untimely and totally unsought death. That didn't happen, though.

I climbed up and stood next to him on the barrier. "I'm Apache. I'm from Tali," he said. Name and residence: two important elements to social introductions on Guam. I said, "I'm Jess. I'm from Agat." I also had to explain that, no, I'm not military. Some of you can relate. 

Anyway, this interesting being pointed down into the water, which was yards and yards below us, and showed me how to spot the sea turtles that were beginning to come to the surface. They were hard to see at first, but after a minute, it became easier to spot the dark outlines of the green sea turtles swimming against the current, out into the open ocean. We saw three of them! Apache explained that he was a hunter and a fisher: I knew he wasn't watching turtules for fun--But it was fun for me! And when I'd had my fill, I thanked him for the experience and went on my way, feeling very, very glad that I'd pulled over to do some writing at Talofofo Bay instead of speeding past it, like I usually do, on my way home.

Take advantage of little adventures!

The Art of Conquering Fear

(Me, posing with the piece I submitted to Solace. The exhibit will be up in CAHA in Agana for the entire month of May.)

I've come to notice how big of a role fear plays in our perception of what we can and cannot do or have in life. "I can't do___," someone would say to me in response to a question as to why they don't try something that might help them out in a challenging situation. "Why?" I would ask. And they would respond, "Because I'm scared of___." And then, at that point, I have to ask myself if there's any point to saying anything more.  The admission of fear is an indication of a mental block that person has already created and fortified. 

Fear isn't necessarily a bad thing. It can be, in fact, extremely useful. The other day, for example, I was giving advice to a friend, encouraging him to take on more responsibilities in his workplace. He leaned over after a few minutes and asked, "Do you ever...feel scared?" And I said, "Yes!" Instantaneously, I thought of many of the things I do and have and realized that fear had always stood between me and those things. Identifying that fear, however, is what helped me smash through my mental blocks and achieve what I've done and gain what I have.

Fear points directly at what is holding us back. It indicates your target. Attack it! Break through to a more awesome life, and stop letting fear hold you back! (Easier said than done, but, c'est la vie!). I'm dwelling on this today because I recently faced a real fear--although no one would have realized how big this fear was for me.

I participated in an art show. It could have turned out to be completely absurd. I don't paint or draw or anything like that. But I like to take pictures, and I had a nice picture that I'd taken with my phone. I had an idea involving this picture in my head, and in my head it would have stayed, had I not chosen to act. Within the span of a few days, I decided to exhibit this picture in an art show and print one of my poems over it. I didn't know exactly how I was going to do it, or how it would turn out, or how much it would cost to print, or where I could get a decent frame; but, somehow, through random conversations and fast thinking and driving around the island more than my gas tank would have liked, I managed to produce a printed and framed piece that turned out to look pretty good, even though it wasn't exactly what I'd had in my head at first.

So up the picture went, hanging on its own space at the art show, and though I felt rather proud of myself, there lingered, still, that unmistakable sensation of fear: I felt like a fraud. I was no artist. And I wasn't sure if the content of my picture and my poem would "jive" well enough with the theme of the art show (which was mothers, daughter, and victims of human sex trafficking--Heavy stuff, right?). I wasn't sure if this poem-picture mash-up would work well either. These fears had dogged me from the moment I'd decided to participate in the art show, but I'd seen the fear for what it was and broken through it as I acted on my plans.

The result? Success! I watched at the opening of the art show as people leaned in toward my simple picture and poem, read the words carefully, nodded to themselves as though they'd just received some sort of insight into life and murmured, "I like this one..." Wow. It was so gratifying. So affirming for me. I mentally thanked myself for not listening to the fearful voices in my head that had plagued me previously. There had been so many moments when I almost backed out, so many "reasons"--I was too busy, it was too last-minute, I didn't have anything to contribute. But I didn't let that get in the way, and now, I can look back with satisfaction and know that I had, in a small way, mastered the art of conquering fear. And now, since I acted on one of my creative ideas and experienced success, I feel like a whole new set of opportunities have opened up to me!

What are some situations where you had to conquer your fears? Let me know in the comments!

The Pain of Desire

I just finished watching a Dale Partridge video in which he encouraged transparency in blog posts, so I'm going to go ahead and be transparent:
I AM FREAKING OUT!!!

The deadlines for two of my biggest goals this year (increasing my Thrive clientele and saving up enough for my business/family trip in November) are fast approaching, and I'm just trying to stay on track! I feel like I've had a crash course in marketing and creative thinking, trying to find ways to give more value so that I can truly make this year different. 

At the same time that this experience is driving me nuts, it has also helped me digest more deeply something I sort of already knew: There's no push without the pain of desire.

I'm pushing so hard right now. Pushing for results. I'm trying to make sure I make every contact I can, and edifying my services as much as I can. I'm even pushing myself to create products for my Auribus brand (more on that later). 

Fear is a great motivator, but, with the help of Denise Duffield-Thomas, I've been able to find motivation and a sense of calm through pinpointing my desires. I pinpointed one specific desire: I want to make sure my youngest sister can join me for part of my trip in November. This desire is so painful (it would SUCK if I failed!!!), I've been able to push forward with more clarity and confidence while I dedicated every little, painful, frustrating step to being able to go on vacation with my sister. It even made my money goal for the month seem more attainable!

Pinpoint what your desires are. Comment below and tell me what some of your most important goals for 2015 are! Are they specific enough? Write them out and tape them to your wall where you can see them everyday. Use your desires to push you to where you need to be.

Post Breakup Struggle Tip #4: You Are Not a Victim!

This is the part where you start to realize it--although I hadn't thought of it this way until one of my sane, close friends came out and told me so!

You are NOT a victim. It doesn't matter what happened. Don't think of yourself in that way. You're already making a come-back, you're already making plans, you're already improving yourself and positively impacting the people around you. You are a dynamic human being. 

There are no impossibilities; only challenges! Why settle for victimhood when you can be victorious?

Feedback: Have a victory story? Feel free to share it in the comments!

Post Breakup Struggle Tip #3: Transform Your Emotional Energy

If you're crazy, hurt, sad, frustrated, and/or confused after a breakup, then odds are you have A LOT of emotional energy. Not physical. Emotional. All kinds of stuff is thundering around inside, and it's probably excreting in the form of depression, garrulousness, over-eating, rebounding...

STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

You're a human being, and, as such, you're capable of taking control of your thoughts, actions, and energy flow. Breakups are awesome in that they can supply you with a lot of emotional energy, which, when combined with a vision and focus, can result in major, positive life changes and progress. The last (and I hope it's the last) time I found myself in the immediate post-breakup zone, I saved hundreds of dollars, traveled to three different states, visited family, shadowed at two PHC's (pregnancy help centers), attended a huge business conference, made new friends, read new books, and started/restarted a few projects.

How did I do it, and all in less than three months? I transformed my negative emotional energy into positive emotional energy. What are some of your projects? What can you start or get involved in? What are your dreams and goals? Who can you meet/help/share with? Where can you go? Start imagining and planning. "Write it down, make it happen!"

In short: Realize your potential. Something that you'll come to see is, that, perhaps, your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend wasn't meant to join you in your greatness, although they may have given you a push toward it. You'll begin to see, too, that God is leading you in a certain direction, and them in another. 

Transform your energy. Take this advice, and you'll start to feel more like yourself than ever.

Post Breakup Struggle Tip #2: Don't Over-Examine the Details

After talking to a few good people and getting a handle on the situation, you have to commit to not over examining the details. Don't think about your relationship, don't think about your ex. Remembering detailed scenes and conversations will only intensify your sense of loss and increase any negative feelings you might be dealing with. Don't look at old messages or pictures. If you are sure--without a false hope--that the relationship is over, delete/hide/destroy (whatever the case may be) everything. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, phone number, email, everything.

Why?

To teach yourself to let go and eliminate an attachment that has now become unhealthy. It won't take long for you to feel glad that you took this bit of advice.

Delete friends and avoid certain social scenes and circles, if you have to. You want to be even-tempered and focused on having a good future--not one spattered by the wreckage of a relationship that, actually, no longer exists. The details have lost their worth. Besides, forgetting makes it easier to forgive.

Post Breakup Struggle Tip #1: Talk Enough to the Right People

If you're a human, you know what I mean when I say it's hard to keep it to yourself when you're experiencing emotional turmoil. That's what hard times do to you. After my first relationship, I realized that it was important to talk about how I felt. After my second, I decided only to talk enough, and only to the right people.

I went in search of guidance, reason, and just enough wise reassurance to know what to make of the confusing situation I was left in. I talked to the people I knew I could get those things from. I evaluated each person I spoke to based on the result I might get by talking to them--and I also felt I could trust their insight. When you only talk enough and only to the right people, you're stopping the bleeding and closing the wound, as opposed to getting angrier, more emotional, and--if you talk too much--annoying. Don't magnify an already disturbing experience. Let your conversations result in real calm, clarity, acceptance, and reassurance.

Keep in mind that you are looking for value, not an opportunity to bash your ex or make yourself crazy.

Suggested confidant:

• a priest you trust
• a parent
• close, sane friends
• people you trust who've been there done that
• people in you ex's family, if they're sane
• your ex's friends, if they're reasonable
• God