Post Breakup Struggle Tip #1: Talk Enough to the Right People

If you're a human, you know what I mean when I say it's hard to keep it to yourself when you're experiencing emotional turmoil. That's what hard times do to you. After my first relationship, I realized that it was important to talk about how I felt. After my second, I decided only to talk enough, and only to the right people.

I went in search of guidance, reason, and just enough wise reassurance to know what to make of the confusing situation I was left in. I talked to the people I knew I could get those things from. I evaluated each person I spoke to based on the result I might get by talking to them--and I also felt I could trust their insight. When you only talk enough and only to the right people, you're stopping the bleeding and closing the wound, as opposed to getting angrier, more emotional, and--if you talk too much--annoying. Don't magnify an already disturbing experience. Let your conversations result in real calm, clarity, acceptance, and reassurance.

Keep in mind that you are looking for value, not an opportunity to bash your ex or make yourself crazy.

Suggested confidant:

• a priest you trust
• a parent
• close, sane friends
• people you trust who've been there done that
• people in you ex's family, if they're sane
• your ex's friends, if they're reasonable
• God

Why Limit Yourself?

Today, I found myself driving through the afternoon traffic with two complete strangers sitting in my car. This sort of situation actually isn't usual for me. What was unusual was the conversation that took place during the short ride we had together.

They were a couple, backpacking (as made clear by their giant backpacks) across the Pacific on their way to Australia. They'd had a long layover in Guam, so they'd stayed the night at a bed n' breakfast I clean for. The couple had needed a ride to the airport, so I had agreed to take them there before I went to work on cleaning the apartment they'd stayed in.

The man was quite talkative and they were both very grateful for the ride. He was from New York, and she was from Berlin. He asked me if I was from Guam, and I said yes. He asked me if I'd grown up here, and I said yes. Then he asked if I had any siblings, and I said, "Yes. I have ten brothers and sisters."

Typically, when someone gets around to asking me that questions, I'll pause for a moment and think of how to tell them how big my family is. No matter how I answer, however, the usual response is drowned in surprise.

And he was surprised.

But very pleased. They both were.

"That is so awesome!" He said. And she said, "It is! It's beautiful."

It was a pleasant surprise to hear that.

I mentioned how people are usually surprised, and how, sometimes, people wonder, "Why have so many?" 

I think the real question to ask is, "Why limit yourself?"

He responded, "That's how people react when I tell them that I want a big family--like six kids. They freak out. But it's like you said--Why limit yourself, if that's what you want?"

I asked them how many siblings they had. He had one, and she had none. She admitted something that I've heard so many people admit before: "I wish I had siblings."

I'm not married or anything. I'm just one kid out of many. But that's kind of the point. By merely existing, I get to be a witness. I am evidence of something "awesome", "beautiful", and definitely surprising.

So here's my question to you young, married people out there: "Why limit yourself?"